So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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