Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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