So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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