I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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