after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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