yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
