he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
