Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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