it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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