I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
whose parrot is this?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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