Soap is not a condiment
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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