After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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