I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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