dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
