I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
