What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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