Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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