Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
