i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
