Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
