Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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