I think my fart just growled at me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
