Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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