Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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