Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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