I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
