you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
