my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
