I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
