I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize