cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
