Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
