go do what you do best...puke behind churches
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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