Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so let's talk penis.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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