i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
