Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
