still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How external is "for external use only"?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
