Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
