woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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