So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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