You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
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I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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