Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
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Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize