Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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