I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
