I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
