well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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