Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
