Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
