i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
