Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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