I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
