Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
