My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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