It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
