i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Two words: blizzard sex
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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