Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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