why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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