like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
