Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
