You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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