you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
