worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
