he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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