we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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