need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
