found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Randomize
