Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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