well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
