I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
