We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
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I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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