I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
