I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
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got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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